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Better Than Terrorism

Ignore the title, it's an obscure reference having to do with ponies. It doesn't let me post an update if it's blank, believe me I tried.

Part 2 Update
Part 2 has been updated, which should have been done the day after the previous update but... I have excuse, I just suck. It's what the previous update had, but with sound. Yes, you're reading this right, I left a broken version up for 2 months. :s

Duke Nukem Imposter Review
So I said last week I was possibly going to review this game and it looks like I'm just going to give my perspective on it. My first observation was regenerating health, not TOO big a deal, we'll see if it doesn't create hide & heal gameplay. Then suddenly I'm hit with a 2 gun rule. ......................................................... See now we're getting into modern shooter gameplay a bit too much. I find that unnecessary for this game. There were quite a few times when I found myself wishing I could hold that other gun lying there, but don't want to trade out my pistol and rifle. I'd grab a Shrink Ray, but that leaves me with 1 useful gun. Or at least 1 gun that doesn't run out of ammo in 5 shots. (Slight exaggeration.) I actually ran out of ammo once. Maybe I just suck, but this shouldn't be happening. I never run out of ammo in FPS games. (That's a lie, I did on the Perfect Agent setting in Perfect Dark on occasion.) I wanted to scream at the gun balance so many times. 2 guns worked in Halo because the devs had that rule in mind when they were designing their levels. What happened here? It never felt like game balance, it was just annoying. A bit further in and I find that the regenerating health is indeed annoying and encourages hide and heal gameplay. There are these lunging enemies that seem to gravitate toward Duke and take 2/3 of his health with each hit. o_O They would always come in pairs. I'd shoot one, the other would hit me, I shoot him and hide. This was 99% of the encounters with them. It's why I don't like regenerating health. I never felt threatened, just annoyed that I had to hide for 5 seconds yet again. Melee attacks that killed its target would fully regenerate your health, that was the only good idea that I saw and it actually helped some encounters flow well.

The worst part for me wasn't the atrocious gameplay elements, the lag, the long loading, the horrendous amount of bugs... nah, none of that. It was something I thought would save the game since the rest of it sucked. But it's the diarrhea icing on the shit cake here. The writing... The old Duke Nukem games had cheesy humor mixed with satirical puns. Lots of one liners, but humorous ones on par with Star Fox 64. This game was just flat out offensive and shallow. Some of you that know me from forums or chat rooms (or in person) know I love a good misogynistic joke here and there, even to the point of pissing off every girl around. But even this offended me. It got tiring very quick. The jokes weren't funny, they were just hateful with nothing to back them up. There was no satire, build up, or any hint of clever writing behind them. I didn't actually finish the game and I never will. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Also the levels were super linear and not reminiscent of earlier shooters.

Other M Thingy
Here's another game that got a lot of hate. I don't quite understand why though, since it was a brilliant piece of work. It was a good light-hearted joke at the Metroid universe in general. A comical look at Samus' character and the inferiority of women. Seeing Samus take orders from a somewhat unknown and unanimously hated character, to the point of blind stupidity, was a perfect look at the optimal roles women should and can serve in society. The point when Samus almost literally crawled into a fetal position over the sight of Ridley only backed up the satirical nature of the game and really helped drive the point about, as stated before, women's inferiority. We had a downer ending that completely missed the point. There was a weak and disappointing final encounter, but this only helped to amplify the main point of the game which continually bombards the player with bad dialogue, forgettable characters, and endless plotholes. That's exactly what made this game the wonderful gem it was. We see the brilliance in the writing by it being consistently bad. What we're left with is not a terrible game, but a misunderstood and wonderful satire on a game series we all know and love.

So now onto what this blog is about...

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